1. Coach Wade introduces a third vision exercise that has athletes and their parent/guardian/supporter collaborate by talking (and optionally writing or recording) about who they want to be for each other in the sports journey.

2. He emphasizes this is not a list of demands, but a permission-based conversation about hopes, communication preferences, boundaries, and what support should look like in specific situations (such as after losses or during matches).

3. The relationship vision should evolve over time, with regular check-ins to adjust as the athlete’s needs change and to avoid condescension or “pulling rank.”

4. The goal is to build trust so both parties feel heard and can face challenges together—seeing the challenge as the problem rather than each other—while enjoying and celebrating the athlete’s journey and the supporter’s contribution.

Coach Wade again here. So let's look at our third piece of vision work now. So if you're the athlete, hopefully you did the athlete vision. If you're the parent, guardian, supporter, hopefully you worked on that vision... and now I'm going to encourage you to collaborate with each other. And this can be something you write, this can be something you talk about.

I find this is very helpful when you first talk about it. And then write down what are the highlights of what you did. And in fact, if you even want to have some fun with this, you can record your session in your phone or one of your things, and then have something like a chat GPT or something, summarize it for you.

And those can be sort of your relationship points. But basically what I want to get to here, it's really kind of a simple conversation, but it's so powerful. And the question is. Who do you all want to be in relation to each other in the field of sports? So as the athlete is on the journey, who does the athlete want to be to the parent or guardian or supporter?

And who is the athlete hoping that that parent guardian supporter can be for them? And then vice versa, who is the parent guardian supporter looking to be to the athlete? And what are they hoping that the athlete wants from them? And these might not all be the same answers, but what it allows is for you all to talk about what does this look like for us to really support each other?

Ultimately, on some level, somebody could say, well, you know, it's the athlete's journey, so it kind of should be more about the athlete, but at the same time, if it's truly a relationship between the two of them, it can be this combination of saying, yes, it's the athlete's journey as far as where they want to go.

Do they want to play a certain level of college ball or whatever it might be? But how the relationship interacts, how the two people connect, that's going to be something that's more of, okay, that's a little bit about what we both want. How do I want to be treated as that supporter? And how do I want the athlete to respond to me?

How do I want them to communicate with me? And again, this is not a demand thing, so to be really clear. This is not a list of you need to do this and you have to do this, and I demand this. This is not a demand list. This is, here's what I'm hoping for. This would be awesome. And... what I'll suggest to you is with most of these visions, especially when it comes to relationships, sometimes our initial understanding of what it's supposed to look like isn't actually what is ideal.

So initially, as the athlete, I might say, well, I want you to support me no matter what. And what that looks like is basically you agreeing with me and you just nod and say, yes, you're a good boy. And after a while I might realize, well, gosh, I keep getting all this agreement from my supporter. But I'm losing matches.

I'm not getting the position I want. I'm not seeing progress. I'm not enjoying the process, and I might need to come back to you and say, Hey, actually parent slash guardian slash supporter, could you perhaps be that person that's maybe holding me a little more accountable? Or at least showing me, you know, holding up the mirror to me to say, Hey, maybe I'm not being the person I need to be.

So this is something that evolves and it's something I'm going to suggest you, involves a lot of permission. So the athlete granting permission to the parent to be a certain supporter and to a parent you might say, well, they can't, they don't have to tell me what I have permission. I'm the parent,

dammit! That's not where I'm coming from. I'm coming from an emotional standpoint of who can you be that they'll actually listen? So as a parent, we can pull rank and say, well, you have to do this. because I said, so. And if you've been a parent for a while, and presumably if your kid's in sports right now, you've been with them for a few years, you've probably seen that that doesn't always work.

And again, if you have a highly motivated athlete, and again, I think of myself, I'm not a tell me what to do guy. If you tell me what to do, my defenses come up right away. And yet if I understand that you're on my side. You speak to me in a language that demonstrates that you also respect and value me. Doesn't mean you think I'm as intelligent as you if I'm the athlete. The athlete hasn't been on the planet as long as the supporter most of the time.

So the supporter knows things and has wisdom that the athlete doesn't. But if the supporter is condescending and says, well, I know all this and you don't know this, so I'm going to tell you what to do, that's not going to be as effective. Yet, if the athlete can say, Hey, here's what I'm hoping for... when I'm in this situation... and it can be very specific.

If I'm losing or I'm down, do me a favor, don't say anything. And in fact, what I'll do is if I need guidance from you, I'll look over to you and then tell me what you want. But please, if I don't ask for that, please don't give that to me. Or please don't be verbal, or I don't want to talk about the match until the next day if we lost, or whatever it might be.

And again, on the flip side is the parent, it might be... look I don't want to be the one that's washing your clothes. I want you to wash your clothes. I'm not looking to be your personal assistant. I'm not looking to be the one that you dump on if you're mad about that you didn't get the play time, or you didn't get paired with the partner you wanted and you're mad at your coach.

I want to be the person that encourages you to have a constructive conversation with your coach as opposed to me being your dumping ground. So again, this is something that... There's no form to this. This is more you all having a conversation and it's an ongoing conversation to check in on a regular basis, maybe weekly, maybe every other week to say, Hey, how am I doing?

How am I doing as a supporter? As somebody who's been blessed to coach both of my children at different ages in their sports. I've seen them at different stages, want different things from me. At sometimes they just wanted me to be the guy on the side that bought 'em cool stuff and took 'em out to Menchies for frozen yogurt and toppings after.

And other times they've wanted every bit of perspective I have, and I've experienced everything a little bit in between. And at times I've been the helicopter parent coach that over gives, and at, sometimes I've tuned out perhaps too much. So this is not a perfect thing, but this is something about saying, this relationship is valuable enough.

I'm going to keep diving in. I'm going to keep giving the best I can and keep reconnecting. And what you'll find, if it's anything like what I've experienced and what the other coaches I've worked with and parents I've worked with is... And athletes... is the more you do this, the simple demonstration that you're willing to hear each other out, athlete to supporter, supporter to athlete, that you realize, wow, okay.

We're really on each other's side. And so when a challenge comes up, the challenge is not the athlete. It's not the parent or the guardian or the supporter. The challenge is the challenge, and we can now be on the same side of the table looking at the challenge rather than going at each other and thinking that the problem is the other person.

So I hope you find this helpful. I really encourage you to do this, and in any of the areas that we have sections for comments, feel free to share whatever you like. Hey, this was very helpful. We don't need specific details or whatnot, but just encouraging other people, encouraging yourselves, Hey, this is what we did.

We enjoyed this. This was productive for us. And if you have any questions for me, please let me know. As always, look forward to helping all of you, the parent, the guardian, the supporter, the athlete, the coaches, for us to enjoy this journey and enjoy and celebrate the athlete at every step of the way, and enjoy and celebrate us as parents and guardians and supporters for what we do to contribute to their success.

If you need anything on this please let me know. Otherwise, I look forward to helping you create the journey, the relationship, and hopefully the successes and results you most desire.